Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
