Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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