I'm jealous of your bromance
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
