No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
