WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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