chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
