I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
