I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
