and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
