Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
