I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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