I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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