you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
