dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
