i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
