also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
