mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
