But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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