I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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