remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
