the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
