Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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