Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
