last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize