My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
