so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
