would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
