he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
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