I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
