I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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