Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
