Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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