My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
