going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My ass is underappreciated
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
