how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
