just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
