I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
