Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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