i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
