uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
