I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize