You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
