drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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