It's Friday. Sex?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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