i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
