i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
