they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
