I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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