Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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