You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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