I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
