After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
