I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
