you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
