I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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