I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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