I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
