I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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