The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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