I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
