May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
