You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
