I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
