My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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