I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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