Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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