My friends, they love my intelligence
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
