We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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