That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
