you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize