Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
