The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
