Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
